Avoiding the blow out at the most "magical" places.

The bed last night wasn’t uncomfortable, but it’s not yours. The breakfast wasn’t quite worth what you paid for. The mad dash with the family, getting them up, showered, dressed, fed, into the car and on your way to your “Magical” place isn’t panning out. You find yourself thinking “I’m never doing this again” and then you feel guilty for thinking it. After all, you’re here to have fun DAMN IT! We’ve been saving up for years for this trip and I’m not going to let so-and-so ruin it!

Fuse lit, explosion impending.

You are not alone my friend. I know, I know…. Other people are so cheerful and full of “pixie dust” you just want to shove it down their throat. Why do they get to have such a great vacation and yours is sinking? They’re lying! They’re in the same sun. They’re in the same lines. Their food was under or over cooked too. They just aren’t letting it bother them…or worse… they’re faking it.

I’ve discovered the secret. Tell all your friends. Write it down in a book and make millions in sales. Ready?

Screw it.

Make some shirts up. Print some bumper stickers. Once you buy into it, you’re golden. Accept the fact that you are not going to do everything, ride everything, and enjoy every second of the trip. Those people you see all over their Facebook page… they’re lying. They spent money like you did and they won’t admit there were some hitches to the plan. They won’t admit the kids didn’t go to the bathroom for two days and then made up for it in one. They won’t say how they lost their glasses on Spaceship Earth. They’re not going to admit the hot dogs at Casey’s aren’t as good as the last trip.

You can plan all week on those few days in the parks, but you’re going to run into a snag. Your online research isn’t 100% but it’s ok. Screw it. You need to work in some “Meander” time. Some of the parks are rigorously scheduled (like Hollywood Studios) and you are going to get hung up rushing from show to show. A parade you didn’t read about is going to clog Main Street as you try to get to your dinner reservation at Tony’s. It happens. It’s not bad planning. It’s Disney. You cannot possible plan for each second of the day. Yeah I know, that lady’s page said… Liar!

Meander time is your friend. The stress will fall right off you if you realize you aren’t going to do and see everything. I’ve been going for years now and still haven’t seen everything or done it. I’ve been in lines for 30 minutes just to have my kids change their mind and not want to ride “Buzz” anymore. “We are going to ride Buzz, and you are going to have fun, now just shut up and wait,” I hear myself say in my head. Screw it. They won’t remember how much fun the few minutes on the ride were. They will remember how Dad was “pissy” for half the day.

You’ll find that as you meander, you’ll see and happen across stuff you weren’t expecting. The man drawing Mickey faces in the street with water and a broom. Winnie the Pooh on his way to the meet and greet spot, and only two people in line. Princess Tiana putting a soft hand on your shoulder as she walks by……..um… what were we talking about?

Eventually you’ll get things. You will. You have “extra magic hours” and the parks might be open later than you thought. Skip the fireworks tomorrow and do the extra rides and notice how empty they are.

Avoid the blow up.

Surviving Disney World ~ The secret of the lanyard

Disney is for kids. Kids of all ages, sizes, religions, color, creed…blah blah blah. Well my friend the truth about kids is that they need things. Sippy cups, stuffed toys, hats, diapers, change of clothes, snacks, are just some of the gear parents must carry around whenever they’re out and about and when travelling to the House of the Mouse, it’s no different.

Ever lose the kid’s favorite toy? Even if you do find it again, while you frantically search you start to get an ache in your stomach. All sorts of very bad non-kid friendly words bubble up and you must bite them back. You feel like the worse parent in the world, and at that very moment…. You are! Just kidding.

My kids are no different. My sons would launch their sippy cups and a nice passerby would sometimes pick it up for me. Most of the times we as parents notice or hear said projectile as it hits the ground or wall. Ever have that puppy actually hit someone? Yeah.. I think I’m, still apologizing to some people for it. My friend… I have your solution.

The lanyard. 

Disney and Wal-Mart have tons of them. Pin ones, water bottle ones, ID holders, ones that go around your neck, your hip, clip to your belt, I think you get the idea. Leash that sippy cup of stuffed toy to one. The water bottle ones are my favorite and most universal. Slide it over the item, tighten it and loop it over the stroller or through the belt. If you do it right, the sippy/bottle won’t even hit the ground if the kid tosses it or drops it because Mickey Mouse has magically appeared.

Get a few and pack them in the stroller or a bag. You won’t have to worry about finding it again. 

Surviving Disney World when your kids outnumber you.

For single parents, married parents, and grandparents, if you have one kid, you have it easy! One little person to track, feed, and entertain is a piece of cake. Now add another...two…or three… I can tell your palms are starting to sweat aren’t they? Some things my wonderfully patient and no so patient self have found out, is that you can make it through Walt Disney World, even out-numbered. The secret is… packing.

Big stroller, even if you don’t need one, medium cooler bag, and a few little tricks. We found ourselves looking forward to the time when we do not have to have a stroller in the park for our kids, but we’ve come to the conclusion that we need it. Forever! If you see a couple with a huge jogging type stroller at one of the parks, there’s a good chance it’s us. Truth be told, kids fall asleep.

You have three options: wake them up (moody kids good luck with that!), stroller, or carry them. Just linger there for a moment. Sore feet, sweaty, tired, now carrying dead weight which is also sweating, moody, and hot sounds like a lot of fun doesn’t it? Don’t be afraid of looks from others, bring the darn stroller. They make rugged ones. Even if you kids make it through the park without sleeping use it to carry the jackets, cooler, drinks, purchases, and it makes a great place setting for parades and fireworks. Sit in front of it and you have a buffer for those not so nice viewers who like to push their way forward. Locked wheels are your friend!

Get a zipper type cooler and load it up. Hang it on the stroller handles, in the seat, whatever. Three kids mean three overpriced drinks, three overpriced snacks, and three times the dent to your wallet/purse per few hours. Freeze some water bottles that you can drink once they defrost. Use the frozen bottles as ice to chill the contents of the bag. Milk, water, grapes, veggies, chocolate, 5 hour energy drinks, sandwiches, pickles, all go into the cooler. Start running low on waters, pull out a frozen one and set it in the basket of the stroller that you so intelligently brought. It’s Florida where ice melts even in January.

If you are getting tired of plain water, then bring some Mio, Koolaid packs, or Crystal light packs to mix in the bottles. Flavored water wins with kids. Find yourself a nice shady spot, mix up some flavored water, pull out your turkey sandwich, and give the kids the grapes. Try not to snicker as you see the people in line waiting to spend more cash than they have to on food they probably won’t enjoy.

What's important... to me anyways...

There's on thing I didn't think would be a big deal until it was. I've made the mistakes like I imagine everyone else has. I've worn the wrong shoes. I've worn sandals and paid the price. this isn't about shoes. I'm not a streamlined kinda body type. I'm carrying around some weight that most doctor would consider obese. Don't even try to convince me my BMI weight is even CLOSE to where I should be but I wouldn't say I'm morbidly obese. I tell you this because I've learned a thing or two about Disney. It's HOT! Not just summertime hot, but "Oh my God why are my eyebrows sweating hot!" I've been around the parks... I've seen I am not alone!

Underwear. Yes... it matters. Whether your a tighty-whitey, briefs, boxer, bike shorts, etc... The Gutchies will make a difference. Tune out now if you're afraid of Too Much Info...cause baby I'm going there. They have some nice but more expensive underwear out there that wicks. Wicking is a characteristic of a material to allow water to evaporate off you and believe me, wicking is you're friend. You want to get some underwear that do it. It's pretty easy to find them in stores. You don't have to tell anyone. Unless you're a thong kinda guy.... it's not gonna matter to you... you're gonna chafe. Commando is not the way to go either. You like your boy parts playing pinball all day, have at it. One lap around Epcot and you will find your MACHO tank running on empty. I know because I've worn loose underwear. Snug those things up, besides no one in the park will want to see that. Some goofball like me just might take your picture and post it on the "People of Disney" site.

Sorry Ladies.... it's not a pic of me... but very close... :P

Powder. If you're not going to listen to a word I say. Get yourself a small travel size of powder. Put it in your cargo pants pocket. Smuggle some out of the diaper bag and hit the bathroom. The key to having a good time at Disney is YOU being comfortable and if the chafing starts, your game is over. Avoid the chafing...the wet trail on your backside, and enjoy yourself! I chose NOT to post pictures of people who do not "wick" mainly because I do not want to Google any images of that.

A wicking shirt may do you some good too!

PEACE!

Donald Duck hits 78...and roof!

Last night, Donald Duck was arrested while outside his fiance, Daisy Duck's apartment. Sources say he was upset over her failure to commit to a monogamous relationship. Donald, now 78, has had issues with anger management and is known for having undiagnosed Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). Police were called to the location where witnesses said Mr. Duck was so upset he was molting. Duck was celebrating his up coming birthday party with friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, seen here. Upset at the discovery of black duck feathers at Daisy's premises, Donald flew into a tantrum

When asked for comment, sources close to Duck said "Uncle Donald has some challenges ahead, and we will be there to support him." Bail was set at $10,000 and paid by Donald's Uncle Scrooge. Charges still pending are Molting in public, public intoxication, and failure to wear pants in public. Mr. Duck could not be reached for comment.  

The Mayo Clinic defines intermittent explosive disorder as characterized by repeated episodes of aggressive, violent behavior in which you react grossly out of proportion to the situation. Road rage, domestic abuse, and angry outbursts or temper tantrums that involve throwing or breaking objects may be signs of intermittent explosive disorder (IED).










The above psuedo-news story is an attempt at humor. It is not endorsed by anyone, even me....

One More Day of Disney ~ time was about all they got.

Ok… so from all of the pictures and posts I’ve seen around the Internet. It appears that the One More Disney Day turned out to be just another day in the park, extended hours of course. Sure there were some handouts like buttons and mouse ears, but for the most part it was just like any other day. People I’ve talked to loved being in the park, but it was the same thing they would have had. Many didn’t even stay in the park the entire time, and who could blame them.

I’m both disappointed because I expected more from Disney, and happy because I was so tempted to go I almost asked the wife to take off from work and would have jumped through hoops to arrange it. Add to that, the shirts available in the park were also available online which really makes no sense to me. Why would you want a shirt to commemorate an event that you didn’t attend and pay upwards of $30.00 to do it? Are we planning on “acting” like we attended? What’s the point, especially if there’s nothing extra except extra hours that went along with it?

The sun wasn’t even fully raised and the ears, pins, park maps, and time schedules were already being sold on eBay, with bidders. I don’t know who I feel more disappointed in, the opportunist selling, or the gouged buyers. Either way, they can have each other.

This was an event that only happens every four years. You’d think it would warrant a parade, firework show, or even some kind of modification of the castle show. How hard would it have really been? Each year they run the Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party, and Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party with unique shows, extended hours, unique fireworks, and other events. Even the 4^th of July fireworks are modified. I really think they dropped the ball on this.

Most people going were going to go anyway, the extra time was just a bonus.  They didn’t charge more for admission like they do for the parties, but it will take some doing to convince me they didn’t rake in the money that day.

For many, I assume, they were able to ride with shorter lines in the early hours, and get character face time, again with shorter lines. Eventually the crowd did show up and it was hectic, crowded, and stressful for some who didn’t know how to handle it. Which is what kept me away. I’ve seen short and long lines. Rude and nice people.  It all depends on the season, time, and a bit of luck.

If you went, besides having the normal fun you were going to have riding, eating, watching, etc. what extra did you get? I’d be curious to know. As for me, I think in four years, I’ll still be wary of going unless some changes are announced.  

I'm not saying it was horrible, I'm just saying I was not disappointed that I didn't go, and maybe I should have been.

Magic Kingdom Park tips from the Regular Guy

We have an annual pass and have seen large and small crowds, rainy and sunny, hot and chilly and these are some of our tricks we use to survive.

After the fireworks, there is going to be a huge crowd trying to go down Main Street to leave. Pull over, find an empty seat and just watch them for a while. You’ll see the bottle neck begin to lessen and you can leisurely stroll out.

If you have kids and want to see the parades, sit on Main Street by one of the Emporium’s entrances. You’ll catch a nice air conditioned breeze every so often. You’ll be close to the parade. If the kids need a potty break, you can go through the stores up to Casey’s hot dogs and out to the bathrooms and be back without a wall of people in your way. You can also use this trick to cool off a baby who does not like the heat.

Ride the Ferry instead of monorail. The top floor of the Ferry is always breezy and usually always never full. People will pack the bottom floor even if they are not with strollers or wheelchairs. There’s usually a big crowd for about 35 minutes after the last fireworks show, then it drops severely. 

Are you eating at Chef Mickey’s? Leave the car and walk to the Magic Kingdom. When the park is closing, stroll back and get your car from the Contemporary. Use Valet parking if you want to feel a bit more pampered. Did you know the Contemporary has an observation deck? You can see the fireworks and sometimes the speakers are playing the music from inside. So if you’re not in the park, you can still see the fireworks.

I don’t know if they still do it, but if you get in the park at opening, head to Cinderella’s fountain. We’ve found plastic coins inside (Gold one day, Silver the next.) Swap them for some real ones (if you’re inclined) and your kids will get something not every person knows about.

Use the Baby-Swap option. Is it just you and the spouse with the little one? You want to ride Space Mountain…Soaring… Everest and so does the spouse? Get in line… when you get to a Cast Member tell them you want to Baby-swap and both ride. One will ride, come back and take the kid, and your spouse should go directly where the Cast Member told you and get on. Happy parents = happy trip. Usually they give you a ticket of some sort to show you are swapping.

Want to make someone’s day magical? Give away your Fast Pass tickets if you’ve changed your mind and no longer want to ride something, or you’re getting close to a dinner reservation. People light up when you do that.

Ride the “People Mover” if you’re tired. You get a nice view of Tomorrowland and the castle and rest those sore feet. Can also sneak a kiss in the tunnels without your kids screaming “ewwwwwwww.” Personally I use the tunnels to tickle attack the kids. They never expect it.

Kids bored? Let them play in Pooh’s ride queue. You don’t have to ride every time, and they get to run off some energy. We like to fast pass the ride, then later go back and let them play. If the lines are not too bad… go ahead and ride again.

The Rose Garden has a nice covered picnic area. Venture down if you’re tired. The waterfall is soothing, it’s a beautiful area, and you might see one of the parades or castle shows.

These are just a few tips for now… I’ll write more as time allows. Being a father of three …well…. Let’s just say “adventure is out there!”